Excuses Vs Explanations

Just like many people confuse "affect" with "effect" so do they have a hard time with "excuse" and "explanation." I can see how that is. Both of them are given when something doesn't go according to plan. Both of them start with "ex." I'm sure there's a myriad of other reasons they get confused, but don't worry, I'll help clear it up.

Let's look at this case study:  My mom used to LOVE to call me up late at night, drunk off her butt. She made it into a slurred art form. It got to the point where she was as predictable as Ol' Faithful. She would start out all lovey dovey, move into the I Feel Like There is Something Wrong With Our Relationship conversation, and that would quickly turn into the Let Me Tell You Everything Wrong With You and Your Family portion of the program. When she started insulting my then 2 year old, I told her she was never to call me drunk again. I was told that she couldn't hold herself to that standard. It wasn't her fault. She had a hard life. Her parents were alcoholics. I couldn't know what she had been through.

Those, my friends, are excuses. Those are reasons why she acts the way she does. And here's the key, there's no intention of changing. Don't get me wrong, I feel for her and her tough life. But so few people have an easy life. That's not an excuse. Now that she knows, and acknowledges, the why's of her drinking, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Get help. Join AA. Make changes. Especially since she already knows why she does it. Some people need years of therapy just to get down to the root of their problem. There is no reason for this behavior to continue now that we know why it exists.

Excuses are limiting. They are reasons why a person simply cannot do more. Explanations, on the other hand, explain a behavior, but give the hope for a change. "Oh, I'm sorry I forgot to pick up the dry cleaning for you, sir. I have a medical problem that causes me to forget. I will try to do better. I will leave myself reminders." That is an explanation. We now know why it happened. And we know what will be done about it in the future.

Aside from dear old mumsy, this topic hits close to home. With myself and R having ADHD, we do face some difficult issues. It is so hard for us to remember to do things. Simple things. We have a reason, an explanation. But I hear others use ADHD as an excuse, "We can't be expected to do that! We have ADHD after all!"

NO! (imagine me slamming my hand down on a desk. It's much more dramatic that way) I will not accept this! That is admitting defeat. That is saying that there are things that I will not be able to do because of those 4 letters. That means that my little girl will be limited in what she can accomplish in her life. NO!

My daughter is amazing. I am amazing. Many people with ADHD are amazing. Some are not. But that's just the numbers game. But most are! We will not be told that we cannot do something. We will not use it as an excuse, as a crutch. We will work harder. We will overcome this obstacle, and we will shine!*

*I heard dramatic music swelling in the background. Did you?!