All Kids Are Like That.....Right??

People often ask me at what point I knew my daughter had ADHD. That's not as easy of a question as you might think! When she was an infant, she was....off. She hated being in a stroller. You'd think we were torturing her if we attempted to put her in for a walk. Maybe we were. When she was old enough to be in a high chair, she'd all of a sudden do this weird little vibrating thing. We were so freaked out we took videos to give the pediatrician. We were positive there was some sort of neurological disorder going on in there. Talk about foreshadowing! .

I clearly remember asking the doctor if there was a chance she had ADHD at her 3 year wellness check-up. The doctor looked at me as if I were insane, and told me it was much too soon to tell. All kids are like that! I had my doubts, but went along with it. After all, she spent trunk loads of money to know this stuff, right?

But it got worse. Dinner time was a game of musical chairs, and she didn't care that she was the only one playing. Up and down, over and over and over and over. I often joked that she had the attention span of a gnat. But, really, weren't all kids like that??

Discipline became a daily struggle. More days than not included both of us sobbing. Why wasn't anything working?! Spanking just made me feel bad. She'd giggle through it half of the time. Time outs were a joke. Maybe I was doing them wrong? I researched and researched. I channeled my inner Super Nanny. We did reward charts. We tried everything. Nothing worked. I was a failure as a parent. I was going to have the delinquent bully child that everyone on the block hated. Parenting wasn't for me. Everyone else just knew how to do it. Not me. Because I assumed all kids were like that and I just couldn't cut it.

Things took a turn after we enrolled her into pre-school. Things went fine for the first half of the year. And very, very suddenly, everything changed. R stopped wanting to go into the classroom. She would stay out in the hall and give me extra hugs. She would talk about how she was going to miss me so much. When I would pick her up from school 2 hours later, I'd ask the teacher how she did. I started getting reports that R couldn't stand in line with the rest of the class. She was impatient. She wouldn't stop talking during quiet time. She wouldn't stay in her chair during art. She wouldn't stay in just one spot on the rug during story time. She couldn't keep her hands to herself. I tried talking to other Mommy friends about it. I was told all kids do that! Again, what was I doing wrong??

By the end of the year, the teacher would just silently shake her head when I asked how R had done that day. No words necessary. On the last day, I was told by the teacher that medication would help my daughter.  This was a slap in the face. How dare she suggest my child need drugged?! But...she was right. Not about the medication, but about there being more. It is an odd feeling to be equally outraged and validated at the same time.

We enrolled her in karate. She couldn't stand at attention for as long as her peers the same age could. She couldn't keep her hands to herself. She would freak out when standing next to the swinging punching bags. (R has always been deathly afraid of anything swinging or blowing. The mere thought of a mobile will have her sobbing) If there was a new teacher or student, she would shut down completely. She had anxiety. One of the other moms reassured me:  All kids are like that. But at this point I couldn't shake the feeling that something more was going on.

We started the long process of getting her evaluated. Many doctors, some more obnoxious than the others, and evaluations later, we came to the diagnosis of ADHD along with Anxiety. A double whammy. The two like to fuel each other, which makes for fun times.

Now I know:  All kids are NOT like this! I can breathe a smidge easier! I'm not a failure of a parent. I am blessed with a child who sees and experiences things differently. I'm not disciplining wrong per say....just wrong for R. Now that I understand what is going on in that tiny little brain of hers (that holds so much knowledge already!) I can tailor my actions and reactions to her behavior better. I can figure out her triggers, and try to head them off. I can understand which behaviors she can control, and which ones are due to lack of impulse control. Knowing the difference really does mean all the world in how you discipline.

Do we still have hard days? You betcha! Do I still look around for that band of gypsies my dad threatened to sell me to? Absolutely! But we are living, loving, and learning amid the chaos.