Parenting Labels

Labels are a funny thing. It seems as if the world isn't content unless we are all safely categorized into our neat little compartments. We especially see this in politics. We need to be Democrat or Republican or Independent or Libertarian. We are either Conservative or Liberal. These are pretty straight forward, and most people easily identify with these particular labels.

Then there were the labels I didn't know existed. I discovered some during our homeschool adventure. What learning method do you use? Charlotte Mason? Calvert? Montessori? Unschooling? I get asked this all the time. I have no idea. So I use that other label that gets thrown in there:  Eclectic. That sounds right. I should be able to fit into the most general of those, right?

And, ah, the parenting labels. I don't seem to fit into any of these, either. I'm not a Crunchy Mama. While we did breastfeed, cloth diaper, baby-wear, co-sleep, make some of our own baby food, and we homeschool, we also vaccinate, buy our cleaners at the store instead of make them, and we use pull-ups. We aren't Organic-exclusive, except when I made baby food. We eat gluten and foods with red dye in them. So, we're not Crunchy, and we're not....Creamy?

I'm not a Helicopter mom. Much to the dismay of my husband, I let my kids fall down and get scrapes at the playground. I let them go explore in the woods. My rule of thumb is that I need to be able to see at least one body part at all times. Otherwise it's out of sight, out of mind and who knows what would happen then! I'm not a Free Range Mom. There is no way in hell in this day and age that my kid is going to wander the neighborhood unsupervised. Then again, R is only 6, so we really don't have to worry about it. But I will want to know where she's going, with who, and when she'll be back. I am also not a Tiger Mom. I won't even get into how terrible that whole thing sounds.

So, with all of these labels in my face, I'm going to make my own. Our family style is Weird. Everything we do is weird. We have weird bedtimes. Ever since my husband had to get a second job when R was born due to OT cutbacks, we go to bed late. Even now that he doesn't have that job, we still go to bed late, and we wake up late. People ask us how our kids are ever going to learn to be on a "regular" schedule. Well, I'm sure when the time comes that they have to wake up at a specific time, we'll figure it out. People change schedules all the time, I'm pretty sure we can handle that. And with our more nocturnal schedule, we get to experience a lot of neat things other families don't:  night hikes to look for owls, meteor showers, and late night dancing at festivals to name a few.

Another bit of weird:  R calls my husband by his first name. T is picking up on it. This will without fail stop people in their tracks. They look at us as if R demanded we get down on our hands and knees and worship her feet. Most people look at this as a sign of disrespect. Let me assure you, it's not. Affronted people look to me for the blame. Well, they get it from you. They hear what you always call him, they say. Not so, nosy neighbors! I usually call my husband "Daddy" in front of the girls. One rare day R heard me call him by his name, and she was delighted. She felt like she knew the biggest secret in the universe, and she was thrilled to share this secret with her daddy. For her, calling him by his name was not an issue of disrespect, but of love. She wanted him to be proud that she knew his name. Why didn't we correct her? I know my daughter well enough to know that she would feel ashamed if we told her not to do that and insist that she call him Daddy.  I refuse to make her ashamed of an act of love. So, she calls him by name. She also calls him Daddy. Weird.

I used to have a hard time with this labeling thing. I used to feel defensive. I felt that I was always explaining myself to people when they would give me their looks of incredulity at whatever parenting technique we were using at the time. But you know what? Our way works for us. That's what matters. We are happy, healthy, and we are thriving. If you Crunchy Mamas can say the same thing, then keep it up! Same for you Creamy, Helicopter, Free Range, Tiger, Hippy, Attachment, and whatever other labels you associate with. The key is raising happy, healthy kids in a safe environment. Don't ever feel defensive for doing what works for you!